Chef Mendez

Fear and Doubt

2010-12-01T13:37:00.001-06:00

FEAR & DOUBT

I feel you. You are gnawing at my soul. I can feel your brother Doubt close by, waiting to join in the fun. You underestimate me. You don’t know me son. I am going to squash you. I am going to put the beat down on you like you owe me money. I hear you, but I’m not listening. You and your brother can get the fuck out before you get hurt. I am going to bring it. I am going to do what I have to do to make my dreams come true. I am going to bring more hard work, determination, dedication, than you realize. I am going to crush you. See, I know your tricks. You don’t fight fair. You bite and gnaw like a flea, a tick. You don’t overpower you erode. First you go for confidence, you pick, gnaw, nibble, until it gives way. Not me, won’t work. I have lived my whole life to get to this point and I am not going down without a fight. Not only that, your cousin Mediocrity will not be allowed in the room either. You gang up on me and try to bring me down but no, it will not happen. I am tough, resilient, determined. I will fulfill my dreams. Deep inside everybody you lurk, I can see and hear you. I can feel you in the room. But I pay no mind. You seek to take advantage of me when I am down, shame on you. I am not alone. My wife can see you, hear you, she laughs at you too. Together we stand asshole, bring it. We are going to open our own restaurant. We are going to overcome every obstacle placed before us, every roadblock, and every unexpected setback. We are going to make sacrifices. We will do it, believe that. Fear, you can keep trying but we can’t hear you. I know that this will be one of the hardest things I will ever do, I get it. I know you will always be there whether I like it or not. But I also know how destructive you can be, along with self pity, the most destructive force on the planet. But for the meantime I will not listen to you.

Off the Grid

2010-11-11T14:47:00.000-06:00

I have been off the grid for awhile, that was on purpose. As we and Liz are trying to get our restaurant from dream stage to reality stage there isn't all that much to talk about. But I wanted time to myself, time to just sort of do nothing and think. Thinking is something I have been doing a lot of lately. An opportunity has been offered to me that I am going to take. The concept for our restaurant will change somewhat, but that is fine with me. I don't want to get into specifics because I don't want to jinx it, plus it is not a done deal yet. But having so much time to myself has given me a different perspective on what I do for a living. I still have that passion to create and work with wonderful products that I have always had. But I find myself looking at more big picture stuff. I have been thinking about our relationship with food. I have been thinking about all the things I want to have at my restaurant and get excited, but then reality seeps in. I want to make everything from scratch, everything. This is probably not very realistic. I don't have much experience baking or with pastry. I also want to serve food at a lower price point and at a much higher quality. I know, I know, doesn't everyone? But I really want to be approachable to everyone. Think about it. What percentage of the population even eats out on a regular basis? Of that percentage how many eat at upscale restaurants? And also why does good food have to be expensive. There is a perception that if you use high quality ingredients, especially organic items, that it will be more expensive. I would love to show that you can make good food at a reasonable price point and use quality ingredients as well. But the idea is to turn people on to seasonal, delicious food, not just foodies but everyone. I want to cook for everyone. If we can get people excited about
real food, think about what can be accomplished. Maybe people would see that fresh, wholesome food is always better that processed crap. I don't really have a problem with fast food, ( I'm partial to filet o'fish truth be told) but it's not the basis for your diet. The pleasures of the table is something many people are missing out on because they just don't know, they don't see it as important, or complain they don't have time. So I have meetings this week and next. That's all I do now it seems. But is looking good, and I should have news soon, hopefully. I am not trying to be secretive, there just isn't anything exciting to talk about. I will update here more often from now on, it's time to get back to work.

2010-09-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

t’s been a few weeks since I have left Carnivale and I have been enjoying some time off. My wife and I decided to take the whole month of September off to just relax and do things we normally don’t get to do. We attended a dinner at Prairie Fire in which Tracy Vowell cooked along with Sarah Stegner and George Bumbaris, it was wonderful. Such a different experience for us, we usually are ones cooking and entertaining for guests. Not only did we have a great meal but we also received many kind words of encouragement from other chefs and restaurant people in attendance. It’s amazing to me how much support I have received from everybody, such a nice feeling. The other thing we got a chance to do was take a road trip and visit some of the farmers we have worked with over the years. When you work a lot of hours it’s difficult to get away for a long stretch of time and it was great to finally visit these farmers that we have come to know so well. We headed north to St. Joseph, Michigan first to see Mick Klug. Mick grows primarily fruit but his asparagus, corn, and peas are pretty awesome too. I like his peaches, Jupiter grapes, and berries myself. Mick took us on a tour and we nibbled on fruit right off the vine. The raspberries had such a bright sweetness; the grapes were intense as well. Our car smelled like concord grapes, it’s amazing how fresh fruit is so fragrant. I made a video with my limited skills, I hope you enjoy it. The next stop on our trip was Dietzler farm in Elkhorn, Wisconsin. I have tasted a lot of beef; I think Dietzler is some of the best. The only problem I ever had was trying to get enough; to keep quality high they only butcher seven steer a week. Their beef is all natural and dry aged to give it a more pronounced beefy/ mineral flavor. My wife and I were invited to a picnic at the farm and were able to attend, something we probably wouldn’t have done if we were working. We had a lot of fun and ate some great burgers. One of the things that struck me was how big their farm was, or at least it seemed big. The other thing was the animals themselves. First of all, I had no idea cows were so loud. They mooed at me the entire time I was there. But what struck me was how happy they seemed. They had a lot of space to move around or graze. I made a video while I was there, just for kicks. I hope you enjoy. I did the best I could with the videos but this is no Sky Full Of Bacon, so cut me some slack. That being said, I hope you enjoy!

One last thing.

2010-08-30T10:45:00.002-05:00

I am writing this just minutes after walking out the door of Carnivale for the last time. I have written a lot lately about this whole experience and am feel it is time to move on, however, as I left something happened to me. One of those things that slaps you in the face and makes sure you don’t forget. It’s hard to explain to someone that hasn’t been in my shoes but being the chef at a high volume restaurant has a great many challenges as you might imagine. Every chef has stress and drama to deal with no matter the size or volume of the restaurant. But one of the things that stressed me out on a regular basis was coming to grips with quality versus quantity. How do you make food that tastes good, comes out of the kitchen efficiently, and is profitable, all the time maintaining standards you have set? Believe me, there were some very difficult days there in the beginning. It felt like I was walking a tightrope most of the time and that I could fall, and fall hard at any minute. I tried to use quality products, and treat them with respect and great care, but on the other hand my costs were foremost in my mind. I agonized over a great many decisions. There were times I bought product I knew I couldn’t really afford but did it anyway because I believed in the product or the producer. I second guessed myself quite a bit because I wanted to do things the right way, at least the right way according to me. The same goes for the cooks that worked for me. I was fortunate to work with some chefs that truly cared about me and pushed me to do better every day. Even though those were hard kitchens to work in they were the most rewarding. When I became the chef at Carnivale I realized I had to delegate as much as possible or I would quickly lose my mind. I had some great sous chefs and cooks that have helped me through the years. I tried to push them, motivate them, and inspire them. Many times I doubted whether I was doing it right. I have had a very low turnover in my kitchen which I know is a rare thing, but still I had this nagging feeling I could be doing things better. On my last day I didn’t really want to have any maudlin good byes and such. I just wanted to hang out a little, talk to people, exchange phone numbers, that sort of thing. Most of the cooks were sad, it was obvious to me, but nothing too crazy. But then I approached one cook that has worked at Carnivale almost since day one. If you watch the Sky Full of Bacon video http://www.vimeo.com/12454530, she is the one with the bandanna making empanadas. She began crying as soon as I approached her because she knew what was coming. As I hugged her she began to cry so hard it got to me. It took everything in me to not start bawling myself. She told me that Carnivale was the hardest place she has ever worked and that I was a really tough chef to work for because I wanted everything to be just so. Then she said it was the most fun she has ever had and she would miss me more than I would ever understand. Quite honestly that made all the bullshit worth it. Thank you Blanca, I will miss you too.

Music Man

2010-07-29T12:00:00.001-05:00

I had one of those weeks I would honestly rather not talk about. I don't want to talk about food or restaurants this week because I want to get my mind off the subject for awhile. So I had this idea to talk about music. I love music; I listen to music almost every day. I thought it would be interesting to share some of it. There are all kinds of music; morning time music, going to sleep music, prepping your station music, road trip music, cooking for you family music, backyard bbq music, you name it. Music and food have the power to bring me back to places and times in my life like nothing else. I can hear the opening bars of a song and be transported back in time, sometimes this is good sometimes not so much. There are times I actually avoid listening to certain songs as there are too many memories associated with it. I am going to share some of these songs. I don't really know why, I just thought it would be something different and interesting. Some of this music evokes very powerful emotions in me but sometimes I believe it's important to share aspects of your life, it makes you seem more real.

The first song that came to mind is a Jackson Browne song. I have a soft spot for Jackson Browne. Some people might mock or ridicule my fondness for 70s singer songwriters but I don't care. I listened to Jackson a lot in my early twenties, a somewhat difficult time in my life. His music connected with me in a very real way. This one song in particular struck a chord, and I think the first time I listened to it I couldn't believe that another person could feel the same way I did. This song takes on much deeper and profound meaning for me as I grow older and hopefully wiser. I was kind of an obnoxious asshole when I was younger. It's amazing to me know that I didn't get beaten by the people I worked with. Anyway, I had a rather difficult relationship with my father. He was what we now call old school. He definitely believed in hard work. I get my work ethic from him. But we disagreed on almost everything and of course at that age I knew everything there was to know about life and didn't need his help or advice in any way. Needless to say we butted heads at times and it was difficult to be close to the man. We argued over all kinds of things. I regret much of this but sometimes it is a part of growing up. If only I had realized at the time how right my father was about everything. This song really spoke to me. I couldn't find it on YouTube but I wan to reprint the lyrics her for everybody to read.

A dirty wind blows through the sky
And the Autumn leaves cut loose and fly
Leave me watching
And wishing I could follow
Though among the regrets that I can`t get by
There are just one or two
Unkind things I said to you
Daddy what was I supposed to do?
I don`t know why it was so hard to talk to you
I guess my anger pulled me through

No sooner had I hit the streets
When I met the fools that a young fool meets
All in search of truth and bound for glory
And listening to our own heart beats
We stood around the drum
Though it`s fainter now
The older I become
Living your life day after day
Soon all your plans and changes
Either fail or fade away
Leaving so much still left to say

But Daddy I want to let you know somehow
The things you said are so much clearer now
And I would turn the pages back
But time will not allow
The way these days just rip along
Too fast to last, too vast, too strong

Somewhere something went wrong
Or maybe we forgot the song
Make room for my forty-fives
Along beside your seventy-eights
Nothing survives
But the way we live our lives

Jackson Browne

The line about 45s and 78s kind of dates it huh?

The next song I thought about might date me a little but I don't care. I remember when this song came out and how big it was.I saw U2 in concert before they became the supergroup they are now and their music is definitely on the soundtrack to my life. I listened to their albums ( yes albums, I'm old) so much I wore out the grooves. I think I listened to them so much that is why I rarely listen to them now. This song still rocks though.

I love latin jazz and salsa but since working at Carnivale for six years I just can't listen to it anymore.I hear salsa music all freaking day and now it kind of grinds on me. But Pancho Sanchez is a very special man. I think there is something seriously wrong with you if you listen to his music and don't want to get up and start moving. This is great prep time music in the kitchen and have played his music so much the other chefs have 86'd him but I will always love his music.

Some people might not consider this romantic but it is to me. Every time I hear Notorious BIG I think of my wife. She is a big fan (hah!) and it's hard not hear a BIGGIE song and not smile. In fact one of the first things I remember about my wife is seeing her dance to this song. It was before we started dating and Carnivale had a big New Years eve party, this song came on and my wife just started dancing in the middle of the dining room, it made me laugh, it also occurred to me how pretty she was. I remember thinking there was no way a woman like that would ever go out with a dork like me.

This is a great song from what I think is the greatest jazz album ever recorded, period.

I love jazz. I have listened to jazz almost my entire life. If I had it to do over again I think I would like to be a jazz piano man. Sometimes listening to Bill Evans, Hank Jones, Oscar Peterson, George Shearing, or Bud Powell can give me goose bumps. I don't really buy cds anymore, I download all my music from itunes. But I used to buy two cds and two cookbooks every payday. No matter how broke I was I always did this.It was the most exciting time of the month. I remember reading a review in the New York Times, and it made me want to buy the cd. To me this album is very powerful. I can feel his emotions through his playing. He has drastically scaled back his approach and sort of bared his soul through his playing. I have talked about this many times but this music is just so special to me.

This next one is just to let people know I like music post 1980, although it might not seem like that. I love the Roots. I love their music but I like the fact that their music is very hard to put a label on, I think most artists or creative people are like that. I'm not big on labels and these guys definitely don't really fit into any kind of neat category. This new album is one of my favorites and it is in heavy rotation on the pod.

I don't know any chef that doesn't have a special relationship with music. You can always tell a lot about a new cook by the music they bring into the kitchen. My tastes are pretty eclectic and I will listen to almost anything but I have had times where I had to flat out tell someone I would not play that kind of music. I like Bill Evans, but he is kind of captain bringdown at work. I worked with a guy who was really into folk music and I just couldn't handle it. I used to hide his cds. The other cooks thanked me. My favorite are the metal guys, i'm not a big fan but it's good stuff to listen to at work, also punk is good to get you going. I cannot picture a day without music. It is woven into my life. I am going to include one last song that I really like.Just like the Roots don't really fit into any kind of category Tom Waits is beyond classification. Most people I talk to don't like his early stuff, they say its kind of sappy or corny. Most fans enjoy his later stuff but I really like his first few albums. Closing Time is probably my favorite album of all time. His music does something to me that is hard to describe. I know that when I listen to him I am transplanted to his world, I see it. I am in that smoke filled bar with him and all his misfit friends. This isn't exactly happy music but it is beautiful music.

As a side note if anybody wants to invest in a restaurant get at me:).

The in between time.

2010-07-17T08:29:00.001-05:00

It’s been a few weeks since I have let it be known I am leaving Carnivale, and I appreciate all of the congratulations and well wishes. It’s a weird feeling to still work at a restaurant you know you are leaving in the very near future. I definitely want David (the next chef) to be successful, and am willing to help him in any way I can. Sometimes that means letting go, something that is difficult for me. In the past few weeks there have been menu changes, my name has come off the menu, and a few other small things have changed. It can be challenging to stand there as people discuss changing things you have worked on and how they will change them or tweak them somehow. But in all honesty it’s the way it should be. In fact the more aggressive with the menu the better, change is good. I know if I had inherited a kitchen from another chef I would want to change things right away, to let everybody know what I can do. Being on the other end is something quite different. There are days I feel like a ghost. I’m there but I’m not really. It feels like people look through me; don’t see me the way they used to. There are times when I walk through the kitchen and feel invisible. It’s no one’s fault, it’s time to move forward, I get it. Myself, I am usually thinking about a million things also, mostly obsessing about opening a restaurant. I picture things in my head, I can see it clearly, the food, the kitchen, the feel, the vibe, I picture it in my head every day. Sometimes it seems so real to me, I can see my wife smiling and greeting guests, opening wine, talking to servers, answering the phone, smiling at me, I see it. Making our dream a reality is something different. It’s the in between time. There are so many things to do before we actually open it boggles the mind, I try not to obsess but it’s hard. The role of a chef for me has changed, I am moving into chef/owner or maybe entrepreneur, and it’s a transition just like everything else in life. I know this will be the most difficult and challenging thing in my life up to this point. I have worked in the restaurant business a very long time and I know it will be stressful; in fact I’m sure I will question this decision many times before we open. But the in between time is upon me, and I feel somewhat lost in the shuffle. Most chefs are control freaks and I am no exception. One of the things I truly didn’t consider before I gave notice was that I was going to have to surrender the kitchen to someone else, surrender my way of doing things, surrender my food, and surrender many of the things that make me feel like a chef. That’s the most disturbing thing, that not feeling like a chef thing, it’s a bitch. Being a chef is who I am; it’s part of my identity, my idiom. So not doing all the things that make you feel like a chef, makes me feel not like myself. I feel like a ghost. This time will pass. I think it’s just part of the process or leaving a kitchen I have worked in for six years. I have spent more time there than my own home. The other day my wife asked me if I was sad to be leaving. I’m not really, I will miss people, but it’s time to move on and I am ready. I have written a menu and every time I look at it I get excited, I can’t wait to truly have my own kitchen. I have looked at a few spaces but am waiting to find that perfect fit. Other chefs have told me, you’ll know when you see it, you’ll just know its right, and you’ll feel it. I haven’t really found that space yet but will continue to look. It’s the in between time that’s a bitch.

Making the leap

2010-06-10T07:01:00.000-05:00

After six wonderful years I have decided to leave Carnivale to pursue opening my own restaurant. This without a doubt will be my greatest challenge in life. I am excited, anxious, and terrified all at the same time. I felt this was the right thing to do at this time, trying to run the kitchen at Carnivale and try to find locations etc, was just too much and I didn’t want to give Carnivale less than my utmost attention. Leaving behind a group of coworkers that has become like family to me will be one of the most difficult things for me. David Dworshak and I have worked together for ages and there is no one I would rather leave in charge of the kitchen, and there is no one more qualified. His passion and work ethic are a daily inspiration. Most of the cooks at Carnivale have been with me for a very long time, I have been blessed to have a very low turnover, and leaving these people is like breaking off a small piece of my soul. They will always hold a special place in my heart and there are no words to thank them for all their hard work and dedication. I have been truly blessed to work alongside such people. I will miss them. I will also miss all the front of house people that worked so hard over the years to make me look good. All the food runners, servers, bus boys, bartenders, bar backs, hostesses, managers that run around all day trying to sell my food, provide great service,all have my heartfelt thanks. Long ago I learned that a great restaurant functions as a team, I am proud and lucky to have such people working with me. For all the customers that have supported Carnivale I am unbelievably grateful. The number of people that come to Carnivale on a daily basis still astounds me. But by far the best thing that has ever come out of Carnivale is my wife. Of all the wonderful things that have happened to me in my life this is by far the most important. There was a chef once who, every time he tasted something unbelievably good he said it reminded him of the first time he kissed his wife, Carnivale is like that for me, it reminds me of the first time I kissed her, and my life has changed forever. She is the only person that really understands me and still puts up with me and all my chef bullshit. I love her and without her my life would be a very sad and empty place.

Carnivale has been the best experience of my life. I still can’t believe I got the job. I still remember the first Saturday night we took 990 reservations I almost shit my pants. I can’t thank the owners of Carnivale enough for believing in me, and taking a very big chance on an unknown chef from Bridgeport, I will be forever grateful. They have been so supportive over the years and given me the freedom to do my own thing when they didn’t really have to. Jerry Kleiner told me when I started that working at Carnivale it would change my life, and it most definitely has. Jerry’s unique vision is a big part of why Carnivale is so successful and will continue to be. He encouraged me to always push myself to achieve more and try new things and to not let self imposed limitations hold me back. I have learned so much in the past six years I don’t even know where to start talking about it.

As far as the future goes, I guess you will have to stay updated on my blog to find out what is happening with me. I will be at Carnivale until the end of August, trying to ensure a smooth transition. In all honestly David will do such a good job no one will even notice I am gone. I am more than a little frightened. I know in my heart that to keep getting better you have to keep pushing, doing things outside your comfort zone. There is a part of me that worries that I will open a restaurant and no one will show up. It’s an irrational fear I know a lot of other chefs have had and still do. As far as the concept, I want to go in a slightly different direction than Carnivale. I want to open a casual wine bar and focus on more authentic Spanish food, more on that later. The idea of creating new dishes, using different ingredients, training a new staff is exciting to me and look forward to the challenge. Carnivale has been such an extraordinary experience, but it’s time to move on and I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead.

Charles Smith Wine Dinner

2010-04-27T22:58:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pictures taken by Michael Schacht at
http://www.312elements.com/ , of our Charles Smith wine dinner. The menu follows the pictures, if you're
curious. We had a great time.

Passed Appetizers
Blue cheese, carmelized onion, crostini
Hiramasa ceviche, avocado, aji amarillo
Pork belly, mango glaze
Wine: Charles Smith Wines “Kung Fu Girl” Riesling

1st Course
Langoustino, lemon basil butter
Wine: K Vintners Viognier

2nd Course
Columbia River Salmon, morel mushrooms, red wine butter
Wine: K Vintners “The Boy” Grenache

3rd Course
Becker Lane spare ribs, corn bread, local honey
Wine: Charles Smith Wines “Velvet Devil” Merlot

4th Course
Red wine braised duck, Spanish olives, polenta
Wine: K Syrah “Milbrandt”

5th Course
Hook’s aged cheddar cheese, chocolate brioche
Wine: K “Motor City Kitty” Syrah

2010-04-07T09:58:00.002-05:00

The Weeds

Anyone who has spent any time in a kitchen knows what “being in the weeds means”. If you don’t, it means you’re really fucking behind and the chef is probably yelling at you or at the very least giving you the stinkeye. Sometimes it happens so fast, so unsuspected, it really shakes you up. Maybe you came in early because you knew it was going to be crazy busy, prepped your station to the max, drank 3 redbulls, figuring you were going to be cool when the time came. Then it happens, just like it always does, they seat the entire room at once, everybody wants the damn special, or you get a ton of special orders, or training a new cook, or the worst; you discover just before service your cooler hasn’t been working all day and you have to throw out most of your prep. You are in that zone, that place where you know you are not going to catch up, you feel like someone just kicked you in the stomach and your insides are tensing for the pain to come. How do you handle it? Ask for help? Maybe, if you have been cooking for awhile you know it’s the right thing to do even if the other cooks or sous chef mock you. Put your head down and cook your ass off? Sure. But what do you do when you’re the chef? When you’re in charge and you see one or all of the cooks falling deep into the weeds? Tall weeds, weeds so high and thick a lawn mower might not get you out. What do you do?

Last week I was there. I saw it coming. I could tell by the look on sous chef’s face. I could tell by his body language; slumped shoulders, eyes darting back and forth, frequent glances at the clock, talking to himself. It approached like a tidal wave, the breadth of the wave took my breath away, and before you knew it we were knee deep in tickets. The machine kept chugging and spitting the tickets out; four top, three top, six top, six top, eight top, twelve top (?), six top, four top, etc. It seems sometimes to me that when it gets that busy the line cooks just spin around in circles and don’t really do anything because they don’t know where to start. It just seems that way. The sous chef had clearly panicked something unusual for him. It wasn’t the kind of panic that makes you agitated, quite the opposite, he was shutting down. He grew deady still and just sort of stared at the tickets, talking to the cooks but only to give small snippets of information. The food runners were frantically trying to tray up food but were getting in each other’s way. Then I did what I usually do, I got angry, pissed in fact. He was the expeditor, he was running the show and he was letting it slip away. The more I watched him the angrier I got, thinking of how I would handle this so much better, how I would rock this out given the chance. Let me school this youngster I thought, I’ll show him how to expedite his way out of chaos. I would explain to him how when it got this crazy you have to start talking a lot, pushing the cooks but encouraging them at the same time. They have to believe you are their only hope. You encourage, make jokes, demand things, push them, push. I was going to show him how it’s done. I was so worked up, anxious. A thought came to me then. I remembered what I used to do when I was a line cook and I got in the weeds really bad. Everybody handles it different, but I always did the same thing when crushed by tickets, I laughed. I used to laugh when things got pretty hairy and the shit was really hitting the fan. I always laughed, not in a guffaw kind of way, more like a smile and a wink subdued kind of way. I laughed because it was fun, a rush, a challenge. I was doing what I wanted to do with my life and how many people got to experience that. This is supposed to be fun. What a great job we have. We bring joy to people by what we make for them. We have an impact on people’s lives; they celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, and business deals, with us. We make people happy pure and simple. This whole cooking thing is very cool.

I thought about all this stuff and I laughed. I was letting this get to me. Sometimes I have so many thing in my head; food costs, labor costs, new menu items, answering emails, getting recipes written, getting pictures of food taken, working with sous chefs, dealing with vendors, answering phone calls, I forget what it’s really all about. Of all the things I have learned in my 44 years on this planet one of the most important is that sometimes it best to keep your mouth shut. I put my arm around my sous chef and told him he was doing a good job, even though he was making me nuts. I smiled at him and told him everything was going to be fine, be cool, I’m here to help. He smiled and immediately changed. He stood straight up and started telling each and every cook what to do and when to do it. It was truly inspiring. Sometimes cooks feed off the chefs, if the chef is worried or nervous they pick up on this. But now they all put their heads down and rocked it out. Soon there was almost a clear board and the worst was over and everybody smiled, that smile that says “I did it, I survived”. I laughed.

Best of Times

2010-03-22T16:26:00.001-05:00

I grew up on the south side of Chicago in the 70s and early 80s in a neighborhood known as Bridgeport, certainly not a hotbed of intellectual activity but an okay place to grow up if you ask me. Growing up at that time on the south side of Chicago means a few things: there was a good chance you were a big fan of Cheap Trick,Off Broadway, and my personal favorite Styx. They were from the south side too, and almost everyone I knew held them in awe, they were local kids that made it big. I don't believe there was a prom or dance where I didn't slow dance to "Lady". Lady was that sort of cheesy rick ballad you put in rotation on your mix tape when you knew you were going spend time with your girl. You're probably wondering what the hell this has to do with food or being a chef? Whenever I hear this music I think about growing up in that neighborhood, at that time in history. Even though the Slow Food movement might not have been around, everyone I knew grew something in their backyard, EVERYONE. Almost everybody grew tomatoes or peppers, including my father. If you didn't grow something you made something from scratch, like lemon cello. My friend Dominick's family grew tomatoes, peppers, zucchini, chiles, and even grapes, they made their own wine. Almost every family had a version of salami hanging in the basement, I thought everybody did this. My own father tried growing everything under the sun, he even planted an orange tree that we had to haul in and out of the house depending on the weather. Food was so important to people, fast food was looked at as a last resort, only to be indulged on special occasions or a road trip, where home cooking was impossible. It gave me a love of home cooked food, a love for the table, another thing that was so important. The act of sitting down and having a meal with your family or sometimes your friend's family, was looked at as a very important part of the day. I know I sound archaic, old fashioned, out of touch. We are losing our connection to the seasons, food, even our own loved ones. I can't even tell you how many times someone has come into the restaurant and asked for tomatoes and when told they are out of season their response is " I didn't know tomatoes had a season" .This is genuinely sad to me. Now food is meant to be convenient, fast, cheap, lite, non fat, low sodium, all natural, and whatever else they promise us. I miss my mother's stuffed peppers. She made them in the late summer when there was more peppers than we knew what to do with. I miss my mother's cooking, her enthusiasm, her love of cooking, her generous spirit. At the time I didn't realize the impact this would have on me as a chef. Food brought people together, we traded grocery bags of tomatoes for salami, home made mozzarella,sausage, cookies, or zucchini bread. My mother grew up on a farm in the middle of Illinois, so we usually only brought corn in the summertime, or watermelon. She would always tell us how fresh corn was so much better than anything you could find in the supermarket and I remember thinking how cool it would be to pick some corn right off the stalk and eat it. So yes, sometimes I listen to Styx, usually while I have my coffee or when I take my morning walk. I listen to a lot of music that most people find cheesy or square, I don't care what other people think. It reminds me of a happy time, a different time. Sometimes I sing along to "Lorelei" or play air guitar, I know I look lame but I don't care.

Collaborations

2010-03-13T18:07:00.004-06:00

This blog is, just like my kitchen, very much a collaborative effort. One of the reasons I decided to start a blog was to not necessarily talk about myself, but rather about the people in it that contribute so much to Carnivale to help make it successful.So in the following weeks I hope to focus on those individuals that work hard to make me look good, be it employee, farmer, or vendor. I knew that photography would play an important role to help bring people into the world of an executive chef and luckily happened to find Michael Schact. He recently spent some time in my kitchen to get a feel for things and took some pics to get the ball rolling. Below are some pictures taken on that day. Michael and I talked about the tone and feeling I was trying to convey and I think he did an amazing job for just stepping into a kitchen during a slow lunch service and capturing exactly what I was hoping for. The first picture below is skirt steak being marinated in garlic, cilantro, salt, pepper, and olive oil. We sell in the neighborhood of 700 orders a week. The second picture down, and one of my favorites, is the clipboard that the sous chefs use to write lists for the prep cooks. It shows five years of Sharpie marks.The third picture is Hiramas being butchered by our ceviche cook. We feature a Hiramasa ceviche on the menu with scotch bonnet puree, mint, and sesame seeds. I love this fish not only for its rich fatty taste but it's also a sustainable product from Clean Seas. The next picture is Becker Lane pork belly going into the cure. We will cure it for three days and then roast it, press it, then slice it and portion. We primarily use it for specials, it is the best pork belly I have ever had so I like to have it in house at all times.The last picture is of one of my cooks, his name is Gabriel. He has a lot of tattoos ( his nickname is tattoo) and Michael's pic really captured him well. I can't wait for Michael to spend some more time in the kitchen and look forward to working with him some more. You can find out more about him and see his work at http://www.312elements.com/ .

2010-03-13T17:42:00.003-06:00

2010-03-13T17:41:00.001-06:00

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2010-03-13T17:39:00.001-06:00

2010-03-13T17:38:00.001-06:00

2010-03-07T18:11:00.002-06:00

I am executive chef at a restaurant that has 600 seats, a 4000 square foot kitchen, and 45 people who work very hard in the kitchen on a daily basis. As a result I have become an administrator, an overseer, a supervisor if you will. Actually cooking food on a line is most definitely a thing of the past. One of the things that was hard for me to give up in making that transition from cook to sous chef to executive chef is the fact that you don't really cook that much anymore. If I worked in a much smaller restaurant I probably would cook on occasion but let's face it I'm not really going to work the line anymore, that time in my life is over. When this happens the moment of realization is bittersweet, you are moving up the ladder, more responsibility, new skills to learn, more room to be creative, but on the other hand you don't cook so much anymore, and isn't that why we get in this business in the first place, we love to cook? There are many chefs that struggle with this transition,letting go of the fact that you don't actually cook everyday is very difficult, sometimes it can hold you back. But to grow as a chef you have to accept these things and adjust to learning new skills and embrace these changes but there will always be something you miss about being on the line, on a busy night, being in that zone, with tickets piling up, sous chef barking at you, trying to keep all the orders in your head without burning anything and praying you don't get weeded. That rush of adrenaline as the first tickets start pumping out on busy night, obsessing about your station, hoping you don't run out of something so the chef doesn't yell at you, that time has gone. There are things I don't really miss, like breaking down your station at the end of the night, having the sous chef rip me apart for having to 86 something I ran out of, being so tired and broke that employee meal at work was my main meal for the day. Sometimes I think I just miss the whole process, that now as an executive chef with large amounts of responsibility, when stressed, I would rather go back to a time when I didn't have as many things on my mind and the only thing I had to worry about was setting up my station. I was thinking about all these things during a busy lunchtime rush, watching the sous chefs barking out orders, the cooks struggling to keep up, food runners quickly traying up food and exiting the kitchen, busboys banging the door open with trays of dirty plates, servers waiting to ask the sous chef about some dopey special order, as I talked to the general manager about whatever issues there were with timing and seating the room etc. I was watching one of my cooks go down in flames and the sous chef was too preoccupied to really take note so I told one of my prep cooks to drop what he was doing and help him out. He nodded and ran off leaving about 50 lbs of fish left to be butchered sitting on a cutting board, my first instinct was to put it in the cooler for him to continue after the rush was over, but then I figured maybe I should just do it myself. One of the things I used to really enjoy as a cook was butchering fish, it was relaxing to me, there was something about it that would put me in a sort of zen like trance that I liked. So I picked up my knife ( I let the cooks use it for fish because it a Japanese knife and stays very sharp) and started cleaning the fish. At first I was a little rusty but nothing to be ashamed of, but then something clicked in my muscle memory. The more fish I did the less effort I used, my movements became smoother, more relaxed, the fillets cleaner, the knife became part of my hand. For a few minutes I was in that place cooks know, it was just me and the fish, I could hear the roar of the busy kitchen but it seemed somewhat muted, I could make out shapes moving around me but I didn't really see them, it was just me and that fish. It all came back to me, what I loved so much about being a cook, working with my hands, taking raw ingredients and making them into something special, I missed it. Now I teach my cooks how to do things, or my sous chefs, I am pretty much hands off unless the situation dictates. I was enjoying that freedom of being in the moment, my mind and body were working together in a way I had trained them to and I was able to relax, Thomas Keller talks about this. He talks about the repetition of cooking and how after awhile it can be freeing because once you have done something so many times your body just knows what to do, freeing your mind, I was in that space. Then as I was finishing a hostess tapped me on the shoulder and told me I had a phone call from one of my fish purveyors and I snapped out the a trance and the din of the kitchen came flooding back at me. When I got on the phone they told me they were out of the fish I had ordered and wanted to know if I would accept a substitute, and my mind instantly became busy with other thoughts, of the other seemingly endless things I had to do that day, I said no and called another fish purveyor and got what I wanted but now I would have to change the specials tonight somewhat. That meant more work for me and my sous chefs but that's the way it goes sometimes. I could feel my blackberry vibrating in my pocket and the hostess was paging me, and one of my sous chefs was waving at me, and one of the dishwashers was asking me something in Spanish and I knew it was back to work.